An Interview with Izzy Heltai
If the goal is for a collection of songs to become a whole -- a sum of sustenance, an entirety -- Izzy Heltai accomplishes that with his debut album Father, each track serving as a stepping stone on a single path of discovery.
With arrangements by his childhood friend Micah, recorded at Sleeper Cave Records in his home state of Massachusetts and produced by Sophie Buskin, who also provides backing vocals and harmonies on the record, you get a sense of home and comfort along the way. Even without dissecting the moving lyrics and the undercurrent of growth and resolution, these are the tales of a person in bloom -- not so much the sunlit bursting of a garden bud but more the fuzzy unfurling of a woodland fern, the success of pushing up and through the ground covering that had nourished when it could have smothered.
I had the opportunity to talk with Izzy before the album’s release today, October 9th. We hopped and skipped and covered quite a bit of territory from the excitement of his first full-length album and the logistics of a release mid-Pandemic, the toll depression can take on relationships including the one with yourself, what his mom thinks of his singing style, to the expectations attached to his overlapping roles of artist and member of the queer community.
I was honored to get to know him inside and out of his songs.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
October 9th is just a couple of weeks away now, that has to feel like either a blink after all this work, or is it like the longest stretch of time yet?
I would say a little bit of both! It feels a bit surreal to have worked and held on to these songs for so long and in the midst of a pandemic, releasing them in a way I never really thought I would; It’s a bit bittersweet.
With this being your debut full-length album, how much of the release process is brand new to you? Is it all excitement or is there an amount of anxiety to it?
There is a lot of excitement involved but there is also definitely a learning curve. So many little things that go into a release that I never really thought about! I’m thankful to have a wonderful team and support network that have been guiding me through. I’m super lucky I work with really wonderful people including my manager, Abbie Duquette.
I've seen the cover art and photos for the album and they really do fit my idea of you and the mood, artful and serious but not too much of either. Were those decisions easy to make? With obvious choices? Even during a pandemic, choosing new music by sight is still something we do.
What did you want to make the shoppers/playlist builders expect as they reach for it?
I love the darkness that is portrayed through the imagery I used for the record. The subtle light that is brought through juxtaposed by the dark. It’s about growth coming from places of intense darkness and it just kind of organically came together thanks to my wonderful photographer, Joanna Chattman!
I have had a fair amount of time with your music now and I still don't have any direct comparisons to make to anyone else I've ever heard. Of course, the instruments are familiar to all of us with a love for Americana/Roots/Just Plain Good music -- but I don't immediately draw a line of influence. Who are your influences? What would absolutely blow your mind to have someone say about your sound? What do you say about your sound?
Unfortunately, I have a very hard time placing exactly where my music fits, genre-wise, into a larger context. I’m not sure who I sound like but I can tell you the songwriters I love! Noah Gunderson is a master of sad songs and probably my favorite lyricist of all time. I also take a lot of inspiration from; Nathaniel Rateliff, Josh Ritter, Elliott Smith, Rayland Baxter, and Dr. Dog. I tell people the sound of this record is rootsy, gritty, and a twist on what folk typically is!
I have always imagined singing as the most vulnerable thing in the world, even without the song also being its own personal message. I can only imagine that because I don't sing but do you feel that way? Did you?
At this point in my life, singing these songs feels pretty inherent and second nature so it feels vulnerable in a very comfortable way. It elicits a really cool intimate connection with the audience that I think is hard to obtain through any other medium.
You have the kind of voice and delivery that makes a person sit up and then lean back, ready to listen to someone's story. From the opening note of the opening track, that timbre is something to love, or I guess, possibly not (personally, I LOVE). Have you ever received negative feedback about your voice? Is there any type, or source, of criticism that would ever make you take pause? Or does it drive you?
People generally have a hard time understanding what I’m saying! I am definitely a mumbler and when it comes to my songs it’s a conscious choice. I love my lyrics but I also love the effect that mumble singing brings to the energy and vibe of a song. I once showed my mom a song I was working on and she said it was great but she couldn’t understand any of the words, then I showed her a Bon Iver song and asked her if she could understand him. She said no, and I said, “Perfect! that’s exactly what I’m going for!”
The album unfolds as a series of rites-of-passage -- growing inside and out of relationships, navigation of flaws and faults (in others as well as yourself), patience and forgiveness. Considering you wrote the songs between the ages of 19 and 23, that makes sense. The depth of peace and acceptance, though, is something not many accomplish in life much less in lyrics. Truly a body of work.
The last song on the album, "Father," is also the title track. As a listener, I always place significance on both those things. Did you always know that would be the case -- the placement as well as the choice of album title? Again, were they the obvious choices?
It was one of the last songs I wrote for the record. The narrative behind this whole album was never intentional. It was a process of sifting through this catalog of work and finding a common thread. It just became so clear that these songs mirrored this coming of age pretty perfectly.
“Father,” a beautiful song, it feels like an instruction manual for the parent of a near-adult, that age where hugs and comfort aren't as daily.
"I could use a good touch / Maybe even your love could help me figure out what I've been trying to tell you for days … for years"
Is that literal advice you would give to parents, that you wished you had articulated to your own parents? Hug longer and wait for the love to inspire bravery?
I think it’s about the power of presence. This is something I think about a lot. How powerful it is, even when you don’t know what to do to help someone, to just show up and be there. I try as hard as I can to carry that sentiment into all my relationships in life. Sometimes it’s enough to just be there. To just show up.
In the opening song, "To Talk About Yourself," you bring out that vivid learning curve of navigating a battlefield even before you're on your own side, yet.
"Throw your hands up / You've been fighting wars since you could talk to yourself"
Who are the artists that got you through that time in your life? Who was singing all the things that helped you feel less alone?
Brandi Carlile definitely! Also Joan Baez. People that weren’t appreciated for the brilliance they had during a certain time in their career.
This song is also the only one where you directly discuss being a trans man and "the scars on your chest," all wrapped in the idea that "it doesn't pay the bills to talk about yourself." As someone with a southern granny, I am familiar with that underlying, often overlying, message -- self-awareness may as well be self-centeredness and let's just not. The weather or sports or gossip are the topics that get us through the day. Is that a message you overtly received? Or is it just in the ether above and below the Mason Dixon?
I think it’s probably a message that is received most places. I think as a member of the queer community I’ve felt this in a very strong way. I got instilled with a lot of messages circulating the idea that to be my true self would be so hard, and would just inconvenience the people I loved around me. What’s beautiful, in my experience at least, was the people that matter, the people that stayed, want to sit in that hard space with you.
This track also reminded me of the Shel Silverstein poem, "MASKS": "She had blue skin and so did he..." and continues with them both masked but searching for someone the same. Of course they use up a lifetime hiding and hoping, waiting for someone else's bravery. We each have our own version of Blue and would benefit from some unmasking, an occasional drop in the surface level pleasantries.
How much harder does a society of polite small talk, at the bus stop or water cooler, make it for one who needs to discuss and identify something bigger, something that is very much about your actual self?
Wow this is a wonderful and apt comparison and I thank you so much for drawing this parallel. I’ve found myself fed up, and frustrated, with a world that has me caught up in so many things that just don’t matter. What matters is to know ourselves, to feel grounded, present, and good in the bodies and selves we inhabit.
I will say, I love small talk. I think there is a time and place for all kinds of conversations, surface level or otherwise. I think we live in a world that has us convinced one type of conversation is more important than the other. This has often distracted me from focusing on actually getting to know myself.
Do you hear from a younger audience thanking you for being a lifeline? Do you want to be a beacon/touchstone for others in the LGBTQA community? Or does it feel like an unfair and/or unrelated spotlight? Existing as yourself shouldn't have to be so novel yet showcasing it is still so impactful and important.
My trans identity has never been the focal point of my artistic work. You hit the nail on the head when you said “Existing as yourself shouldn't have to be so novel yet showcasing it is still so impactful and important.”
I’m tired of not talking about this part of my life. I love being trans and I want to live openly about a part of my identity that I think is so cool. People need to know that people like me exist.
Additionally, I know of talented songwriters who have indeed been told their songs are too personal, too particular, to be successful. Is that something you have encountered?
Probably, but not something I care too much about! I love my feelings, and I love talking about them openly so someone might feel a little less alone.
I have been fixated on the closing line of "The Stranger You've Become," the second track on the album.
"But you're getting much too tired / To figure this out / And I can feel it in your face again / Your patience wearing thin / I'm being sensitive"
How do you move past the sting of putting yourself out there, of having the hard talks for the sake of the relationship, to have it dismissed as just too much? Is there really any way to continue seeing them as a constant?
It’s a tough pill to swallow when I feel something isn’t working out because of a fundamental shortcoming on my end. It feels so much more personal and cutting than the actual truth that usually is just the fact that two people don’t work well together.
And then we get to "Marching Song," almost the opposite of being outside yourself for the sake of someone else. The song feels like you're trapped in your head with all the ways you've hurt people. The production even echoes a little like you're alone, then slowly feels more crowded, with more and more of you and your faults --
“You're difficult / You shout / You're distant / Maybe you should just leave”
There's a glimpse in the middle, where the lonely march becomes a bit of a proud saunter, getting the feelings off your chest, giving someone a glimpse that you're not okay. But then you're alone again. And you can't reach out anymore.
Then this screaming guitar that puts me straight in the feel of a live show -- my eyes closed and tears streaming -- letting go.
Is depression or anxiety something you have struggled with?
Because this song feels like the cycle of sinking and isolating, then bobbing and reaching, maybe even some solid paddling, only to have the steady slap of waves return. Powerfully done.
It is! This song is about not showing up for other people because I haven’t felt any worth in presence. It’s about how sometimes when I get to such a dark place it feels like I am the last person that could possibly be a productive force to any given situation. But like I mentioned before, there is so much power in just showing up!
I'll just tell you, my favorite song on the album is "Anyone to Anybody." My harmonized southern rock soul feels so soothed and at home that it almost doesn't matter if the lyrics also resonate. And then they do. Shewee, dude.
I just want to stand in the middle of a crowd, belting along, finger in the air and foot stomping to that beat break.
The concept that staying somewhere, or with someone, to the point of being their bad habit,
"I don't want to be your last cigarette"
So much of love, and of growing up, is learning how to say goodbye without it being anyone's fault. This song is a real deal classic.
The build through this song, through the entire album, is phenomenal and the interaction feels so organic but professionally sharp. How much of the arrangements are fleshed out with the band? Are they your touring band?
Actually, all my arrangements are done by one of my best friends and closest musical collaborators, Micah Katz Zeiger. He’s been my roommate for two years and a close friend of mine since we were fourteen. We started playing music together when we were teenagers and since the beginning has taken on the bulk of arranging my songs for any amalgamation of a band we play in together!
How do you picture people listening to you for the first time? Do you hope they listen track by track, in the order you laid out? (I believe this is the only way, but I may be old.)
Do you have worries of some songs being underappreciated? Does the immediate gratification/short attention span of a streaming culture concern you?
I would love for these songs to be listened to in order. I think the context and placement in contrast with other songs is really important. “Human” is definitely one of these songs. It is most powerfully felt when listened to after the prior three more upbeat tunes.
I know not all your songs are wrought from personal pain or growth. I think I read that "Songbird," one of the singles already available, came fully-fledged after a night in a parking lot?
It was, it was! When I was on the road I spent a lot of time sleeping in a bed I built in my Subaru. I wrote this song at 11 am in Pittsburgh in a Walmart parking lot.
Are you writing any songs right now? Have current events worked their way into your writing? Do you feel driven to craft commentary? Are you getting any release through writing? Or does it feel nicer to write a song for song's sake?
I’ve been writing a lot! This is the first time in 5 years I’ve been in one place this long. I’ve really had time and space to dig deep into my songwriting process. I do a lot of home production and feel creatively more inspired and content than I ever have in my life.
I know you've spent a significant amount of time on the road, playing about anywhere there's an audience for you. With these Quarantimes (my friend Tanner would want readers to know this is his word) slowing business for everybody, what are some of the small venues you would hate to see lost? Any efforts you'd like us to highlight in order to help their survival?
I would love to highlight Club Passim! It’s a small club in Boston that’s been like a second home to me. I would hate to see us lose that one.
How have you had to adjust plans surrounding support shows for the release? Have livestreams helped you connect to your audience in a deeper way? Have you recognized a set of regulars who tune in? Community builds in such wonderful ways sometimes.
As a developing artist, it’s been hard to not have this time on the road to cultivate more of an audience, but it is what it is. The live streams and virtual stuff have definitely allowed me to connect more consistently with people that are far away but I miss live shows a lot!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an early October album for sure -- earthbound bops made for a windows down drive after a long stretch of air conditioned existence. Or take a leaf-stomping stroll with headphones and the sun, a soaking more therapeutic than any songs of summer could ever provide, and have an afternoon revelation that ghosts of the past are now guardian angels -- even, maybe especially, if you were ever only haunted by yourself.
Izzy Heltai’s Father is out October 9, 2020.
Follow here:
Purchase here:
